As you know, I've always suspected that our next door neighbour poisoned one of our cats, Dracula, a couple of years ago. He's an odd sort of man - affable sometimes, quite rude at others, and he seems to detest animals of all kinds, particularly our cats. I also suspect that he was responsible for the injury which resulted in another of our cats, Buckley, having to have one of his front legs amputated. The vet said that the sort of nerve damage which Buckley suffered was usually the result of being hit by a car, but there would usually be head injuries as well. I think Mr Nasty next door probably hit him - maybe with a spade.

Anyway, when we were away on holiday in Scotland last week, we had a frantic phone call from granddaughter Daisy and partner, who were looking after the cats. Our beautiful silver tabby, Zeppelin, had just had a fit, which had lasted nearly 10 minutes, and was acting very peculiarly, e.g. running head-first into walls, falling over, suffering bad attacks of diarrhoea, acting terrified when approached, etc. Daisy had seen Dracula at his worst and thought it looked like the same thing.

As you can imagine, we were very upset and felt helpless, being hundreds of miles away, but they rushed poor Zep to the vet who gave him a thorough examination but couldn't find a definite cause. It could be a brain tumour or liver damage, she said, but it seemed unlikely as it had come on so quickly. She thought "something he'd eaten" was the most likely cause. Dracula had had to go on a drip for 2 days but she thought Zep did not seem so bad - for instance, his eyes were okay, unlikely poor Drac who has been left partially sighted and with a permanent tilt to his head, and he was now able to stand without falling over. It may be that the attacks of violent diarrhoea helped to get the poison out of his system before it did too much damage. He seems a lot better now, thank God, though the vet did warn us about the possibility of the poison being anti-freeze. Apparently, an animal poisoned with anti-freeze is likely to be very ill, then get much better for a couple of weeks, and then fall ill again and die. There's not much the vet can do to treat it, so we're keeping our fingers crossed that it wasn't anti-freeze.

Personally, I think it was rat poison. I know the bastard next door has used it in the past, to kill rats, and he's also threatened to poison our cats. I contacted the RSPCA at the time and they said that they'd prosecute if he did it, if it could be proved - and that's the problem, of course. We can't prove it. We can only suspect. Of course, it might have been unintentional - they might have eaten a poisoned mouse - but, in either case, I'm pretty sure he's responsible but I've got no way of proving it or stopping him doing it again.....I think I'll have to jump over the fence and strangle him.

That's beyond my ability to respond rationally. Surely, Zep's blood and diarrhoea contents could have been examined for traces of poison?

It seems to me that you are going to have to consider keeping the cats indoors except when you can supervise them. That won't be much fun for them if they're used to being outside but better that than dead.

I just cannot comprehend the mentality of someone who could be so wilfully cruel to an animal.

You and yours have my sincerest sympathies, fishy.

Seconded, thirded and fourthed, Fishy. Keep the cats indoors. You are living next door to a madman.
I told you I had to keep mine in years ago when some bastard poisoned the cats in the square of gardens his house backed on to. One cat had a pm. Mercury poisoning, I heard - slug pellets probably, but in March? No one puts slug pellets down in March.

My two cats were confined to barracks for the duration, which turned into the rest of their lives. Both lived to be over 18, and were happy.

As for your neighbour - hasn't he heard of Karma? He sure is stacking up tons of bad stuff for himself. Something will DEFINITELY happen to him.

Take care, Fishy, and I wish Zep a swift and perfect recovery.

Oh, poor Zep! Having just lost one in `unexplained circumstances` in my daughter`s family I know only too well how suspicious one can be but there is no way of proving anything. I fear indoors is the only answer.
People who do not like animals can behave despicably and excuse themslves to themselves....`Bloody cat digging holes in my border` etc. Cats are `only animals` after all.
I am so sorry, Fishy.

doatie

Thanks for your kindness. Zeppelin seems to have made a complete recovery, thank God. We're attempting to keep them in at the moment, but how long we'll manage it I don't know. They're already going stir crazy, and trying to dash out of the door at every opportunity.

Can't understand the mentality of people who are so cruel. Want to kill him!

So glad to hear that Zeppelin has recovered. I wish I could come up with something practical, short of 'keying' his car (which could land you in trouble with the boys in blue) - all I can suggest is that, if he has any half decent plants, you slip out one night, fill your plant-sprayer with double strength weed killer and .... enjoy yourself.

Put sugar in his petrol tank?

I thought of filling a bicycle pump with water and - RUSSIAN VINE SEEDS



Careful of taking vengeance, Fish. If you're right, that's the very sort of person who'll kick back.

Just a suspicion: this sort of thing is the reason I never use chemical weed-killers or slug pellets and have a permanent fight instead with bindweed. I've been fighting the same plant for years now. Are you sure there's nothing of the sort, say chemical cleaner or bleach, lying around?

Vengeance is fine if you aren't found out. The first rule is timing. If you do something immediately and obviously, you are bound to be prime suspect. If you are slightly more subtle, you won't be suspected. I love the idea of Russian Vine (aka "Mile-a-Minute")! It is a slow burning revenge because it'd take months to get going but once it did you could just sit back and enjoy the result - it is a very pretty plant. All you'd have to do is choose your time carefully (when the evil neighbour is out and preferably on a day it's raining so that a bit of extra water spray wouldn't be noticed). Equally, the sugar in the petrol, so long as you waited a bit to extract revenge and made sure you weren't spotted or that you left any forensic traces, who'd know? I can't imagine this creature has only pissed off fishy. He must have other enemies. The joy of these is that only property gets hurt, expensive to put right but nobody dies.

If you are set on murder, Roald Dahl wrote one story where a woman killed her dreadful husband by hitting him over the head with a frozen leg of lamb. When a policeman came to investigate, she offered to share her dinner with him: roast lamb and vegetables!

I don't know if I would but I'd be sorely tempted!

Megra is right. Bide your time, Fishy, and remember that Revenge is a Dish best Eaten Cold. I like the Russian Vine solution best and it has the added bonus of being attactive to wasps. Is it possible to `shoot` it to the other side of the garden rather than having it climb up and over and under your fence?

doatie

A couple of other plant solutions could be the lovely Japanese Knotweed - there is a rumour that if anyone comes up with a cure for it they'd be made for life - and/or a Stag's Horn Sumach which suckers away beneath the soil and will send up tiny versions of itself all over his lawn ... Fishy, you could have such FUN! Honey fungus, anyone? Poison Ivy? Hemlock? Giant HOGWEED! Now THERE'S an awesome plant, as ever was. Brings you out in a HORRIBLE rash if you brush against it ... Illegal to plant it, of course. http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A2715419

Even better, and seemingly more innocent: I can introduce the said neighbour to my local MP.

I've been on the wrong end of Hog Weed. It is a bastard. Like being sprayed with acid. The welts take a couple of days to come up... and then the itching starts. It's rampant in France - it usually gets you when strimming the grass. Just a tip: Cow Parsley stems are smooth... Hog Weed's are hairy.