If I heard rightly, Flash Dave, now brushing up his gnashers to glint and glower for the blue-rinse faithful, has promised free health care for all elderly people. It's going to cost 'just' £8,000 a time.

Dave, my son, you do know what the word 'free' means, don't you? Possibly - just - snake-oil George at your side can give you a hand with the dictionary.

First in the cross-hairs, as always (like Benny's view of gays): those on incapacity.

Dave, lad, you can call your boys off. They were at me last year - and suddenly remembered another appointment after some talk. It takes a stretch of logic to understand why I'm not safe if I'm expecting pay for work, but suddenly am safe if I give you my efforts for free. Sorry they were in such a rush they didn't explain my question. I really would have liked to understand. Still, we all have our problems, don't we? Sorry, Dave, one of my problems is: I trust you and your pals not one fraction. The eminence grise, lead-lined handbag raised, is darkening the wall behind you.